The emotional effects of Embryo Adoption on our children
My son, Seth, is almost 6 years old and he's one of those kids who's tuned in and very curious about how things work in this world. And if you've ever read my blog, then you're aware that we're very open with our children about the adoption of our embryos...their genetic brothers and sisters.
With that said, his questions about our embryos and his genetic sibling, Matthew, are becoming more thoughtful and thought provoking. He's quickly figuring out how "HE" feels about the adoption plan we made and him voicing his feelings tend to catch me off guard. In fact, sometimes his questions have stopped me dead in my tracks. It makes me understand why some people choose not to tell their children and extended family members. It's tricky and let's be real...no one is talking about this stuff! My husband and I are literally winging it; hoping and praying we made the right decision to be so open with our children at an early age.
Most recently, my son was looking at a Christmas photo of Matthew and said: "Mom, when will Matthew get to come and live with us? He can stay in my room with me!" We were in the middle of getting ready for bed and he was pointing to the trundle bed underneath his and had a huge smile on his face. His innocent question caused me to realize what this moment was really going to be about. My precious boy was going to hear a response that would involve loss.
It would be the beginning of probably many more conversations that would help shape and form his own thoughts about a genetic sibling that he will only know from a distance. "Matthew lives with his Mommy and Daddy, Seth. He will always live with them." Seth said "But I thought brothers and sister were supposed to live with each other?" Okay, go ahead and stab me in the heart, kid! All I could come up with was "Sometimes they don't and that's okay, Seth." He left it at that and moved on to a more serious conversation about how he defeated a giant dinosaur on Super Mario Galaxy.
Sometimes he'll ask me how our adoptive family got our baby seeds and/or Matthew. Sometimes that involves conversations about how he and his sisters came about. For the most part, we keep those conversations very simple, truthful, and clear. We don't go into great detail, but provide enough information to satisfy his questions for the moment.
Our girls look at Matthew's picture on our refrigerator and say "That's my baby brother, Matthew!" They are 3, almost 4 and don't really have a clue as to what's going on yet. Morgan did ask me one time, as they are fascinated with the fact that they used to live in my belly, if Matthew came from my belly too. The questions in and of themselves don't bother me so much; it has more to do with the timing of their questions. Sometimes they come out of no where and catch me off guard and I can't help but wonder if being so open about it is the right thing to do.
If time travel were possible, I would ask 25 year old Seth, Morgan, and Brooke (don't ask me why I picked 25 - I guess it just seems like the right age to ask such questions) if I made the right decisions on their behalf? Did I handle this the best way I could? Could I have done something better? Did I consider their feelings enough? Do they wish I would have done things differently? Are they okay? Do they hate me for the decisions we made?
Yep, these are the fun things that swirl around in my brain every now and again. Thank goodness it's not everyday!
Blessings,
Sheila
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