Emotional Ambush

As I continue to settle into the news that our Adopting Family is going to have a baby, certain questions pop up in my head that I hadn't given thought to before.  One that really caught me off guard occurred when I was asked how many children I had, whilst in a small, group setting.  Normally I would say "three" without any pause for thought and move on with the conversation.  However, that question made me pause for quite a while and I must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights to those sitting around me.  I eventually blurted out "three", but began to feel my body overtaken by emotion.  Thankfully, without anyone noticing, I was able to shed a few tears, as the focus was taken off me and next person in our circle was asked the same thing.  It was an intense moment that caught me off guard and the best way to describe it was "Emotional Ambush."  It's an unexpected moment when intense feelings overtake you and you find yourself unable to control your reaction. 

There was certainly no warning or particular reason for me to be overcome with emotion, over a question that I had never had a problem answering before.  However, something in my mind figured out that there's a new equation to factor in when asked that question.......and WHAMMY - it caused a reaction I had not anticipated and came out of no where.

It made me pause and think about my previous children that I've lost and are now safely in the arms of Jesus and it obviously made me think about Todd and Jen's baby.  I'm human and a Mom; how could I not think about this at some point in our journey?

I don't bring this up, because of a self-serving part of myself,  but because it's an honest thing you think about as a Genetic Parent.  I know that if I'm thinking about it, some of you have too.

Blessings,

Sheila