Our journey with Embryo Adoption has been fairly isolating, thus far. There's no book I can pick up, no blog I can read, no person I can call, no on-line forum to join, and no useful information to be found on the internet for Genetic Families. What little information I have come across only covers the positive side to placing your embryos for adoption/donation, but I have yet to find something that digs into those very private and deep emotions that one does experience when thinking of relinquishing their embryos.
For the most part, Genetic Families tend to their own wounds and keep their emotions to themselves. This has been difficult for me, because I would process my emotions better if I had someone to relate to and share with. I suspect most Genetic Families, particularly Moms, struggle with the emotional aspects of a frozen transfer, pregnancy announcement or birth announcement. Even if they choose not to talk with anyone or make a decision to ignore their feelings, I know there's an underlying sting they must feel. I personally believe those feelings need to be voiced and validated by someone who understands.
Anytime our Adopting Family has undergone a frozen transfer or announced a pregnancy, I've experienced a wide range of emotions. I'm always genuinely happy for them and happy for their babies; no question about it. However, as hard as I try to escape grieving; I'm eventually overcome with feelings of sadness and loss. Over the last year, I've learned to cope better by completely separating my happy feelings for our Adopting Family vs. my own personal emotions that encompass our loss. It has really helped, because I found those two facets of our adoption can not co-exist in my mind simultaneously. I guess you could say I compartmentalize the emotions I feel, in order to fairly deal with the true joy I feel for Todd and Jen vs. the sadness and loss I feel for Beau and I. I know it sounds very odd, but has somehow come to work for me.
I hope in the years ahead, as Embryo Adoption and/or Donation evolves, that there will be more outlets for Genetic families to deal with their emotions in a safe way. It's unacceptable to me that one has to suffer needlessly with feelings that very easily could be heard and validated by someone that understands and cares.
I have found that if you properly take care of your feelings surrounding the adoption and/or donation, you'll come out on the other end in a much better place.
Blessings,
Sheila
4 Responses to “Our journey with Embryo Adoption has been very lonely” Leave a reply ›
Hello,
I thought a lot before posting this. I am a mother with a beautiful little boy, who is the result of this process. I have heard these feelings, and the feelings of my son's genetic mom, and my sister of the heart. The one thing I want to say to donating/genetic families is you are important, and you matter to us and to our children. I am about to meet my son's genetic family for the first time. I'm really excited, and I actually feel like I'm going to be meeting another part of my heart. It's funny how you can find room in your heart you didn't know was there, and suddenly you find it's endless. My love and gratitude to all families who have made this difficult decision.
We're in the process of donating our embryos instead of using a gestational carrier because I cannot be pregnant (we adopted domestically successfully). I havn't gotten to the point where I felt any grief, although I'm not sure if I will in the future because I know I physically cannot be pregnant without causing health risks for myself. A great site. Thanks for visiting mine.
REALLY glad to find you!
Shelia -
My husband are in the process of adopting embryos. So, we're on the opposite side of the scenario. I know that it must be such a difficult decision to give your embryos to another couple for adoption and to watch their pregnancy and birth(s). I do sincerely thank you and other genetic families for choosing life for these children and also blessing another couple with the joy of becoming parents. I hope that more genetic parents can network better in the future as well - I'm sure the support would be beneficial in your grieving process.
Jennifer