Some things are not better left unsaid

It was hard to figure out how to pick back up where we left off with our Adoptive Family, after we had limited contact during their pregnancy.  Once their son arrived, I found myself feeling even more unsure of  what to say or how to say it.  I felt paralyzed by fear.  Fear of what, you ask?  Fear of rejection, fear of being put in my place, fear of the end of our open arrangement, fear of unknowingly saying the wrong thing, fear of never hearing from them again.

You see, walking in these shoes, as the Genetic Parents, in an open arrangement, places you in a very vulnerable position.  It's tricky.  You're opening your heart to a dynamic unlike any other that you will experience in your lifetime.  You are simultaneously dealing with relinquishment, grieving, and openness.  I think that's why a lot of Genetic Families seek a more semi-open or even closed adoption.  The unknowns of how to navigate the emotions of all sides of this journey are probably too difficult for most people to contemplate.  I really get that.

However, I have to say, like most things in life, the "unknowns" tend to seem more scary than reality.  This has certainly been true in our journey.

What I've learned so far (which doesn't seem like much!), is that it's best to be yourself.  If you're in an open-arrangement, try to put your fears aside and ask for clarification on topics you're unsure of.  Don't over-think what you should and shouldn't say.  And above all else, even if you hear an answer that stings your heart, remember that you will be okay.

We recently had a very nice and open conversation with our Adoptive Family.  Both sides were able to get clarification on topics we all were unsure of.  My fears were put at ease and I realized how much I let my fear control me.  Let me tell you, that's no way to live!

Being yourself is the best policy!

Blessings,

Sheila