If you haven't noticed from my recent posts, I'm going through a rough patch with the pregnancy announcement of our Adopting Parents, Todd and Jen. I keep trying to put my finger on what exactly is bothering me, but have yet to come up with an answer. Looking back over the course of our adoption, this has been a typical pattern for me. When we've hit critical points, I initially feel like I'm doing fine, but gradually start feeling overwhelmed, unsure, and wonder endlessly. I begin getting upset about aspects of our adoption that have hurt me and probably misplace my grief for anger. Then my anger starts to cloud my judgment and I cycle around this for a week or two. It's highly annoying.
However, I do think the pattern of highs and lows that I've experienced, eventually lead me to settle into the "new" news. Why on earth it happens this way, is a complete mystery to me!
I've asked myself the hard questions:
1. Do I feel jealous? Answer: "No." I thought I might long to be pregnant again, but quickly came to my senses that I could care less about that. The fact that I didn't have pain or a period last month (due to recent Hysterectomy) was so wonderful! I'm making a conscious decision to not feel guilty about that.
2. How do I feel about the baby? Answer: With every fiber of my being, I know this child was always meant for Todd & Jen. I'm not feeling a particular connection or sense of loss. I'm truly overjoyed for them.
What is it then, Sheila? Ugh! I don't know. I guess it can be likened to shifting plates in our earth's crust. They move and shift and then settle into a new place. That's where I'm at. I'm trying to shift into a new place, based on a new experience. When their baby is born, I have no doubt I'll visit this again.
It also doesn't help that I'm saturated in Embryo Adoption/Donation. I write this blog, do a lot of research, and a portion of my day is spent thinking about it. So, that combined with the recent news, was a bit more than I could handle.
If you find that you're experiencing highs and lows in the adoption and/or donation of your embryos; rest assured it's normal.
Blessings,
Sheila
P.S. Thanks to Maria, Megan, Jen, Kat, C, and Kim for talking to me during this rough time. Your understanding and support, means the world to me. 
5 Responses to “The highs and the lows of placing your embryos for adoption” Leave a reply ›
Thinking about you and understanding exactly what you are feeling right now. I can't quite put my finger on it as well....but please know that you are not alone. Thank you so much for being a sounding board for me when we spoke a few weeks ago. There are so many voices/opinions in regards to this very life changing decision but we have to keep our focus on Him. Call me anytime!! Blessings to you and your family! Maria
Maria - Your support has meant the world to me. Let's catch up. I'll try and call you soon! Hugs - She
Thanks so much for starting your blog and sharing your difficult feelings. Your posts really help me have a better understanding of what my genetic mom experienced.
I am so happy that you have closure!!!
Hugs!!!
Hi Sheila,
I just leaned that Jen is expecting and I though of you guys right away. Dropping by to check in. Love your sweet honesty as God continues unfolding your story. Your blog is fantastic!
{{{hugs}}}
jenni
As I have personally been involved in embryo donation for nine years, I have found some of the posts regarding an open "embryo adoption" quite interesting. Yours is not the only post that is struggling with the open process. I truly wonder what is better, to donate the embryos and then be at peace with the decision or perform embryo "adoption" and learn about the recipients? I would think it would be hard to know who has your embryos, how they are doing and what will you go through after they are borne? What are the long-term effects to you?
As I understand, most standard adoptions are closed. I am sure there is plenty of literature out there regarding open vs closed adoptions and the advantages and disadvantages of the process with regards to both couples. If you are aware of any research regarding the psychological affects of an open embryo donation/adoption process, I would very much like to see it. As I am quite familiar with the embryo donation literature, I think there is little published and this is an important area of research and understanding.
In the mean time, I will be searching for some data regarding the adoption arena in general and the data with respect to open/closed procedures. I hope you don't mind a post from a physician. Craig R. Sweet, M.D., http://www.DreamABaby.com, Blog at http://www.SweetFertility.com