Tough decision

We and our Adopting Family recently decided to temporarily cut communication with each other.  It was a hard, but emotionally necessary decision for us.  I shed a lot of tears yesterday over the decision.  Beau and I came to realize that it's not the "norm" to be in such close contact with each other at this stage of the adoption and there's a reason for that.  I think one (a Genetic Parent) would have to be super resilient to continue contact and take care of their own emotional well-being.  I, myself, don't have whatever "it" takes to take care of my family, deal with my emotions surrounding the adoption, and support them during this process. 

I kept beating myself up over it and after talking it over with Beau, decided it's okay to cut ties.  We know it's not forever and when it feels right to all of us, I know we'll be in contact again.

When we started this journey, it was important for us to meet and lay eyes on the Adopting Family.  We felt fortunate that we could start our journey at that point and never expected that the emotions would become so intense, that we would have to cut contact.  However, I would say the vast majority of Genetic and Adopting Families don't meet for the first time, until well after a baby is born.  Looking back, I think that's a very good and healthy thing. 

During the relinquishment process, (which I believe takes place in bits and pieces, up until months after a baby is born) I don't think it's emotionally possible for both parties to support each other.  There is a process going on that makes it so you're at odds with each other.  Neither party should feel bad or guilty about how they are dealing with their part of the process.  The Adopting Family should feel happiness, joy, and excitement over the arrival of their baby without feeling guilty.  Also, the Genetic Family should fully grieve the loss of parenting that child without feeling guilty.

I think I would deal with it better if I had proper resources or support for what it is I'm experiencing, but sadly, in this day and age, it's not available.  I've searched high and low and there's none to be had.  My hope in journaling this difficult part of the journey is so that it may help someone else down the road. 

Final thoughts -

I think it's okay to meet the Adopting Family and be in direct contact to complete the contract process, but then I would limit contact from there, until months after a baby is born.  An important process is going to take place during that time.  The Adopting Family will be bonding with their baby and experiencing all the joys that go with a pregnancy and the Genetic Family will be going through a relinquishment process.  I think it's best to not have expectations of each other during that time.

I've heard of lots of families growing close, well after a baby is born.  I'm not sure what shifts or changes after that time, but it makes complete sense to me.

Blessings,

Sheila