Comments on: What about the children resulting from Embryo Donation?

By: Holly

Holly — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 17:31:01 +0000

I too would like to say to Lori, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope things get worked out for you all. I feel so blessed to have such a close friendship with my child's genetic family. As Sheila said, it took some time, but we love each other, and have compassion for each other's experiences. As a mom, I feel like my son is so lucky to have the love, hopes, and dreams of so many people. In return, I have a special place in my heart for their son, as Ethan's sibling, and I hope they have a relationship in the years to come. There are so many natural emotions that come with grief, and anger and jealousy are some of those. As a mother, it's so hard to be joyful, carrying your first child, and have someone express to you that they are so angry at God, and that baby should be growing inside of them and not you. That is what was threatening to me, not their love. But, these are natural things that need to be expressed, and that is a healthy thing, but I agree with Sheila that the timing must be right. I try to look for and listen to all perspectives, that could be helpful to us and our extended family. I don't want to be seen simply as the "other side" in this. I just want people to know that it can work out, if everyone shows empathy for each other. Sometimes taking time is the best way to do that, and I think it is important for everyone to take care of themselves. Human emotions are complex, and we never know what will come out in any given situation. I hope someday there is a better and more compassionate support system for both sides of embryo adoption. God bless, and my love, Holly

By: admin

admin — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 02:46:55 +0000

Yes, I agree with you. I think it's imporant to convey to the "Adoptee" that the Adoptive Parents are the ones who are blessed to have that child in their family and not that the child is lucky to be in their family.

By: admin

admin — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 02:42:02 +0000

Lori - my heart goes out to your and your family. What a difficult situation! I pray in time that maybe something will change in your situation. Thinking of you! She

By: Lori

Lori — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:18:56 +0000

My journey has been far more difficult than I ever imagined. First you find the parents...easy, then they finally get pregnant...easy, but more difficult once you know. Wow, this is really going to happen...maybe. Then they send you the sonogram pictures..Yep, this is going to happen. Wow that is crazy. Then the child is born. Zip that is it, now where there was sincere thanks and a feeling of family, it is over and business like. That was my experience. They choose not to meet us although they live 50 miles from us. My two boys are the only genetic siblings that boy will ever have, and they choose not to allow them a relationship. That was very very difficult for me to fathom. I have since repressed my feelings and tried to move on. I think of his birthday now, but I don't send cards or presents. The reason we chose this type of embryo adoption was so that we could see the progress and allow this child to know that we didn't take lightly the giving up for adoption. Once the baby was born, it was (for us) basically, "Thanks for the Baby" Bye Bye. That was really really hard for me. I don't want an everyday contact or anything like that, just a contact so that the boys know each other. My boys are 6 and 8 and their embryo brother (the brother from another mother) is 5. It is really sad to me that they will not be able to have contact in their younger age. Whether or not he wants to see us when he is older will remain to be seen. Knowing he is a child of mine, I am sure he will be curious. Either way, my door will always be open to him. I always invite him to his brothers birthdays and always will. I wish that adopting parents would just understand that we don't want the child back...just a relationship with our flesh and blood. It is our gift to the adopting parents and a huge gift it is. I wish that they would allow us the respect that we deserve. It seems that we have no say in what goes on at all. Adopting parents that do not want contact with the genetic parents should probably choose an anomymous doner program. Thanks for the baby... Bye bye.

By: Denise

Denise — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 02:03:50 +0000

As a prospective adoptive parent of embryos (who actually did pursue traditional adoption prior to IVF cycles), I've actually thought of this as being similar to a traditional adoption situation... I think the same questions will pop up in both situations... why did my birth family/genetic family give me up? One of my best friends is adopted and the reason her birth family gave her up is because they already had 2 kids and didn't want a third. She has managed to work through the negative feelings that brought up and views it as a gift that her birth parents gave to her adoptive parents... after all, they could have chosen instead to terminate the pregnancy. There will always be issues surrounding why an adoptive child was "given away" but I firmly believe it's up the the adoptive parents to let the adoptee know what a gift they truly are to them. With all the support for "traditional" adoptive families, I know that the information they offer can definitely be carried over to embryo adoption.