Where does the Genetic Parent fit in?

I don't know.  I'm not sure.  I'm still trying to figure that out.

As a Genetic Mom, I don't know where it is I fit in.  I feel like an important part of the mix, but then again, I'm not.  I'm required to view everything from a great distance, because I pose a potential threat.  I walk on eggshells.  I'm in constant fear of saying the wrong thing.  It's hard to liken it to anything in life and I find myself not knowing what to do with myself or my thoughts.  When information is given to me with regard to our adoption, I typically think about it for days/weeks on end and sometimes wonder endlessly....and for what?  I want to find a place of peace that I can settle into, for my own mental health.  I don't want to be overwhelmed with the information given to me and wonder if it will ever just roll off my back?  I want to feel "somewhat" comfortable, but have no idea how to get there.

So, I began racking my brain, trying to think of a situation in life that can be likened to someone like me; a Genetic Mom.  However, I wasn't able to come up with anything good; something that really nails it on the head (let me know if you do!). 

For instance, when I was going through infertility, somebody told me "You get about as much sympathy as a 100 pound woman attending a Weight Watchers Meeting."  I also remember hearing "Infertility can be likened to having a loved one missing in action; there's simultaneous grief and hope."  How true is that!  I wish I had a little phrase to relate to and be able to share with others, so they get what it is we as Genetic Parents go through.  I'll let you know when I come up with something.

So, even after writing this, my answer is still "I don't know!"  I do long to get to a point where I wiggle less is my own skin with this new role and find that place where I can just "be."  I think it will happen....I just need to give it some more time. 

Blessings,

Sheila